Thankfully, none of the above statements were made by me when it was announced that Coldplay were to headline the Pyramid Stage again this year. They were all comments popping up on Twitter, presumably from people who have never seen the band live.
I have. And they are phenomenal.
It was 2003 when I first got to see the band in action. Standing in a field in Staffordshire, at V, my first festival, I split from my friends (who were of the opinion at the top of this page) and took myself off to see Chris Martin and co in action. It's a day that I will never forget.
You see, although a lot of people can't sit through an entire Coldplay album, they are a totally different proposition in the live arena. Yes, they still have slow songs, but they are eerily beautiful, drawn-out affairs that send a shiver down your spine. And when they are in the mood to have some fun, they are equally mesmerising.
From that set, it's Clocks and Yellow that will always stick with me. I didn't know what to expect from a Coldplay crowd, but when I found myself in the company of a huge gang of friends, all of us with arms over each other's shoulder, jumping as Chris played that unmistakable intro, I knew that I would always be a huge fan of the band. I've dug out their performance of Yellow for you too, if you fancy being a part of one of the most amazing nights of my life - Yellow - V 2003.
Since then, well, I've seen them as often as possible. Their gig at the Reebok Stadium in Bolton was another absolutely superb night, with Doves supporting, and they even filmed the video for Fix You while I was there. If you watch it closely enough... You can't see me. It's a huge crowd, don't get silly now. I know that there are rumours of Chris Martin's ego getting too big for him, demanding his own bus on tour and such and trying his hardest to become as disliked as Bono, but trust me. Put all that behind you, and if you will be at the festival this year, go and see Coldplay. You won't regret it.
It is testament to the band that I've got this far without actually mentioning the album that I'm looking at for the Glasto' 60 Day Challenge.
And so on we come to this magnificent piece of work/art/music. A Rush of Blood to the Head.
My instincts tell me that it may actually be better not to go into detail, and instead to plead with you to go and listen to it for yourself, immerse yourself in its beautiful qualities, and its catchy tunes. I apologise if this reads as me laying it all on a bit thick, but I really can't stress just how good this album is.
From the frantic beginning of Politik, to the reflective tones of In My Place, both of which precede the frankly magnificent The Scientist. If you aren't familiar with the song, it's one of the band's famous slower numbers, but has been remixed by dance DJs all over the world. It works equally as well at 120 BPM (that's beats per minute for the uninitiated) as it does as it's regular pace.
Then of course comes Clocks. The haunting piano, the deleriously happy chorus, everything about the song is brilliant, and live, it just gets even better.
I'm not going to go into any more. Please go and listen to them yourselves. Throw away any negative thoughts that you might have about the band and go and find out just how good they are for yourselves.
And once you have done that, I'll see you in front of the Pyramid Stage, when that night in 2003 will rush to the forefront of my mind, but this memory will be better, as I'll be surrounded by the people that I love, and quite honestly, I can't think of a better place to be.
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